I came to a huge crossroads in my weight issue, honestly thinking I was ready to lose this weight. I began to ask God to shine His light into the deepest darkest parts of my spirit and not allow sin to stay hidden anymore. I asked him to show me why I eat the way I do and clean me out. I never imagined what He would show me. I came to know that for years I have had real reasons for the choices I made to eat. But the greatest thing He showed me was that all those ‘reasons’ aren’t the reason I eat now and can no longer use them as my excuse. Right now I eat out of pure selfishness and don’t exercise because I just don’t want to. Sounds simple? The concept of what I have to do is very simple. But the action it will require will be very hard. I have stubbornly held back because I just didn’t want to do it – just like a little child crossing my arms telling my father ‘No’. I have been angry with God because I wasn’t one of those people who could eat anything and not gain an ounce. I’m angry because it feels like my whole life has been one big fight with me always losing and having to give in that I thought food was the only thing I could control. How silly we are to think we have control over anything! The very thing I clung to the hardest became my greatest downfall. I can see that over the years I have been desperately seeking a closer more intimate relationship with Christ but how can I have it if I don’t give Him every area of my life. I didn’t realize I was so angry. Seeing it now I know why He wants discipline and obedience. Without them there can never been a deeper relationship than I have now because they will forever be a ‘road block’ that keeps me from getting closer.

I’m learning.